Forgetting to Remember
by ExpectTheImpossible
Summary: The first chapter is a one-shot based on the song My Immortal by Evanescence by it then evolves into a story. Her mind was a mess. She wanted to remember, she really did. But her pain drove her to forget. Warning: First chapter has angst but after that its not too sad. Rated T because I'm paranoid.


**Hello there! I'm ExpectTheImpossible or commonly known as Lina! This is my first story which is a songfic one-shot which I will create into the story. But the first chapter is based off the song My Immortal which is created by Evanescence. Please don't judge me too bad and I hope you enjoy!**

**Insert Disclaimer Here**

_I'm sick and tired of being here_

She put on another fake smile as she saw her friends celebrating with everyone else from across the guild. Everyone seemed rowdier than usual ever since the petite silver haired Lisanna returned. Everyone but Lucy herself. It was as clear as daylight that she didn't belong here; it felt like she was ruining the scene. She wanted to disappear.

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

She shook those thoughts from her head. Of course she belonged in Fairy Tail, it was her home. After her traumatic past, there were finally people who cared for her, people who accepted her for who she was. She had escaped her past, but now she was reminded of it again. The loneliness. The hurt.

_And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave_

He approached her the next day, but his face wasn't like his normal self. The bright and always cheerful Natsu seemed nervous and uneasy. His voice was serious. The blonde haired mage took a step back as he finished rambling on reasons why it would be beneficial having her leave the team. 'You can get stronger, you can get more reward money, we can have Lisanna back.' Lisanna was back. And she was being kicked off the team. She nodded silently and quickly turned away so he wouldn't see tears. "Thanks Luce!" he said with his normal cheerful smile before running off to join her former teammates.

_Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone_

When she entered her apartment, she flung herself onto her bed tears beginning to fall. It took her by surprise that it was actually empty for once. She sobbed quietly into her pillow, that she noticed smelled like him. It wasn't as warm as him either. The coldness crept right into her heart.

_These wounds won't seem to heal; this pain is just too real_

The next morning no one noticed that the blonde haired mage wasn't at the guild. Packing her bags silently during the night, she had talked to the master and then departed on the earliest train. If she had stayed, she wouldn't have ever smiled again, she wouldn't have enjoyed another day of her life. But even now sitting on the train, her tears still formed. She wiped her eyes and stared out the window at the pink cherry blossoms. They reminded her of him.

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

It had been almost a year. She had never found another guild, rather choosing to travel by herself. Occasionally she came across a magazine showing Team Natsu on it listed as Fairy Tail's strongest team. And even though it was a whole year, she still had never fully healed.

_When you cried, I wiped away all of your tears_

She treasured the memories of her days with Natsu. As much as she wanted to forget, as much as it hurt her, she couldn't forget. She couldn't forget he brought her back home to after her father tried to kidnap her. She remembered the only time she saw him cry. July 7th, she held his hand so tightly and promised to always stay by his side. It was a promise she never knew she would break.

_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears_

She remembered how on Tenrou island, when they fought Kain. He never left her, and she told him she wouldn't leave him. She patched him up tenderly, every time he got hurt. She tried to protect him too, even though she knew she was weak. But she always tried, no matter what the cost was.

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

They were namaka for exactly 2 years. She was going to treat him out to lunch and celebrate, and prepare for another wild and fun year. But the 3rd year never came. Because the next day, she got on the train, all alone this time, not holding anyone's warm (maybe even hot) hand which felt so reassuring no matter how hard the mission was. She was once again alone.

_But you still have all of me_

She felt like an empty shell. She was alive, but more like a puppet. He started by saving her heart, and then stole it for himself. Every single smile he gave her just made it more and more his. The stellar mage never wanted it back. But when he did, it was broken. She never had all the pieces again.

_You used to captivate me by your never-ending light_

She always wished to be more like him. So optimistic, accepting everything, and never giving up. She was like a moth, trapped by the radiating glow that he gave off. She was in awe. Never in her 17 years, had she met someone like him before. She was captivated before she even really known him.

_But now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

Lucy of Fairy Tail. It was her name, haunting her now everywhere she went. Although she didn't have the pink stamp on her hand anymore, many townsfolk remembered her from various encounters. She couldn't ever forget it. She escaped her previous life just to be bound to a new one.

_Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams_

She woke up again; sweating heavily and heart beating fast. It was almost two years but his face still appeared in her dreams as if she had just seen him yesterday. He was kicking her out again, claiming nobody wanted her; a replacement for the real thing. It seemed so real. It seemed so scary. She couldn't bear it anymore.

_Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me_

She couldn't think anymore. He was everywhere. Inside her mind, in other's faces, everywhere. She wasn't sure what was real or fake anymore. She was lost. He was driving her insane. She wasn't safe anywhere anymore. The object of once her comfort and happiness was now what she was running from. But she never could run fast enough.

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real_

It hurt her so bad. The more she wanted to forget, the more she remembered. She remembered how he caught her, how he gave her hope, how they spent countless hours together, how he told her she was replaced. They replaced the replacement. Wasn't she good enough? What did she do wrong? She wasn't Lisanna. And they wanted Lisanna. Natsu didn't want Lucy.

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

Time had only caused her to be more miserable. She didn't speak to anyone more; traveling around and earning money doing small things. She had really become just an empty shell, trapped in her head. Time had broken her even more.

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your fears; when you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears_

Didn't she do enough? Didn't she make him happy? Didn't she take care of him, like a namaka. No, like something much more. She loved him. Why wouldn't he love her back?

_I held your hand through all of these years; but you still have all of me_

She had loved him. She had given him her heart. But he didn't love her back. He had broken her heart. Crushed it and kicked her away. He threw her away like a used toy. Why wouldn't she forget?

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

He didn't exist. She was Lucy, traveling the world and collecting stellar spirit keys. And she was happy. He wasn't part of her life anymore. There was never a Natsu Dragneel in her life.

_But though you're still with me_

He was still in her mind, every minute. He was still in her dreams. He was still in her memories. She still remembered him. Nothing could change that. He was still there, with her.

_I've been alone all alone_

She cried herself to sleep again, watching the tiny flames of the fire dance around like little people. She wished he was there. But he wasn't. He had left her, and she was alone. She should be used to it; she'd been alone before, when her mother died. But this was different. She craved him. She needed him more than she needed anyone else in her life before.

_When you cried I wiped away all of your tears; when you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears_

There was nobody to hold her. Nobody wiped away her tears as they kept coming and coming. She whimpered his name. He wasn't there. She was afraid of being alone.

_I held your hand through all of these years_

The next morning she walked into the dark forest, trees covering all traces of light. She was afraid again. Tightly, she clutched her own hand, knowing it wasn't him. For a moment, he wasn't in her head. For a moment, she felt whole once again. She walked up to the door.

_But you still have all of me_

"So you want to forget?" the old lady cackled, showing her crooked teeth. Lucy nodded her head.

"Forget what? Natsu Dragneel?" The name brought back all of her memories again. She remembered him. She remembered him holding her hand. She remembered falling in love with him.

"I want to be whole again."

**Just to say again, that this will be continued on as a story which I hope you will read! Thanks and please review on what you think!**


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